This process is soul-destroying and something i never thought i would cope with very well. In fact when i found out that my own Grandparents, who mean the world to me had placed myself and my Cousin in charge of their Will, i could not believe it. "How will i cope" i thought, "Why on earth do they think I'd be strong enough to cope with dealing with that as well as dealing with them leaving me?"
Turns out they know me better than i know myself, because i can actually deal with the death of someone pretty well.
If someone leaves my life, moves away, chooses not to be my friend/lover/partner etc, i am utterly devastated. I can only surmise this as not being in control, not being able to stop them leaving and knowing i couldn't do anything to stop it even if i have tried my hardest.
However, when someone dies my ability to cope surpasses itself. I believe this is because death is inevitable. At some point we all have to die. I also believe that everyones path is laid out already for them and the point that we leave this earth is the point we were meant to. There is nothing anyone can do to stop it, its just how it is.
I also believe that they never really leave us.
I have times where i will be doing something and i will be able to hear their voice remind me of something. For example, my ex boyfriends Mum whom i cared about dearly taught me how to make gravy and would say to me "Don't forget, figure of eight" when i was stirring it. Now when i am stirring a sauce i hear her saying this. Is it my memory or is she there watching me? I don't know and i don't wish to figure it out, the fact i have that is good enough for me. I do know i am not mad or insane though.
Other times i will be in a dilemma and i will question myself and my choices and there she is, the lady who was like my surrogate Mum. Is it because deep down i know what she would say? Again, i don't know, but i am happy.
It is because of my beliefs that i also believe you should tell the people in your life that you love, that inspire you, that make you happy and that you think a lot of, these exact things.
We don't know when we are going to leave this earth, we don't know for sure if we do come back. What if we don't? What if the person you love with all your heart dies tomorrow, without warning? Did they know, truly how you really felt about them? What if your best friend passed away and you never got to tell them about how if it wasn't for them you'd never have gotten through that terrible break-up?
So don't wait, just tell them. You don't need a reason, its reason enough that you care so dearly for them.
Because if you wait, it may be too late.
